The Anatomy of a post 40 hangover

Caroline told me about ‘The Fear’ this weekend.  I knew about the fear but just hadn’t got around to creating a name for it.  Many have written about hangovers in their 20’s (shake ’em off with a coffee and a run) or 30’s (shake ’em off with hair of the dog), but in the 40’s there’s a new phenomenon.  You regret the Jaegerbombs of course but that’s simple cause and effect.  You can deal with that because that is a tangible known entity.  You drank poison, you feel bad when your body reacts to it.  Wait it out and the liver does it’s very clever metabolising thing and in a couple of days it passes and you’re good to go.  But The Fear is the intangible.  The Fear is the bit you have no control over. Because The Fear is the nagging feeling you’ve said something to someone but you can’t remember what it might be.  Over 40’s drunkeness has that added component: memory loss.  So for example I was out at a big party on Saturday and I remember everything right up until a plate of pork arrived and then I remember walking home carrying Mrs G’s shoes at 3.30am.  There’s an unaccounted gap of about 5 hours where I recall fleeting images of people and sounds but not one single conversation.

The Fear lasts until Wednesday.  It’s Wednesday because it’s acknowledged by those who live through The Fear that is sufficient time for the the phone to have rung with an irate aquantaince who frankly cant believe how crass you are or for news to have traveled back via Facebook or the wifes network that some terrible truth has been told or some awful insult made. The coast is essentially clear after 4 days and you can either have said nothing that’s going to cause someone to get a divorce or you didn’t say anything at all and as you suspected you spend the whole night with your jaw slack trying to control your eyes.

It’s Tuesday morning as I write.  Two more days of The Fear.

Socialist Theory




The Dog Relationship Theory

Another breakup.  This time it was an old school friend who rolled back into town.  Her husband had a fling with someone he met on a conference. I’m always baffled by men who feel the need to admit their infidelities whilst at conferences.  On the scale of infidelity the fling at conference is low down in the foothills (falling in love and eloping with your wife’s sister being the summit).  I know from my perspective it wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker, but it would dent things irretrievably, so it’s something I would rather not know about. So he blurted it out.  They decided to work through it, give it a go.  Decided to work on their relationship. The sound of death.  Once a marriage is being worked on it’s finished.

These break ups are becoming more and more frequent.  The hand grenade rolled under the family unit. Everyone moves into smaller houses. Two decades of equity is split and devoured by lawyers and then the second tier bottom feeders get to work.  The estate agents, the solicitors all chipping away so everyone walks away poor.

But there’s no new ground here.  We all know this story. The new game is guessing who’s next.  The friend who loses weight and starts wearing wacky waistcoats.  The former housewife getting a new executive job now that the kids are in full time education who travels a lot. The guy you know who is still very keen on strip clubs. The one who always gets blind drunk on those girls weekends away and dances too closely with the 25 year olds.  The signs are everywhere.  Who’s going to be next to crack?

It’s all bullshit of course.  We’re all on a personal journey, finding our way, trying things out.  There is only really one fire way to determine if a couple is solid and it sits by the Aga waiting for them to come home. Dogs rarely get mentioned in custody battles because people with dogs don’t get divorced.









theories on the cusp of middle age.

This is the final version of the cover of the book

The Cover


OK people, we’re now 17 days behind schedule. The good news is that the book is back from the editor (Mrs G) and subject to a few changes it is almost ready for upload.

The next step was to design a cover.  Now I was going to get one of my lovely design friends to have a look at this for me but in the spirit of the experiment I decided to have a crack myself.  This is after all, “self” publishing.  But not being particularly confident with these things (I designed it using word!) I would quite like your opinion on it.  So please cast your anonymous vote below.

What do you think of this cover free polls 


The Accidental Pornographer – first thoughts on the reload

I do think somewhere along the way that when my brain was put together that certain key synapses were not connected.  My memory is extremely bad.  It’s planted some obstacles in my life:

I’ve failed practically every exam I’ve ever taken.

I forget peoples names, sometimes seconds after I’ve met them.  And often because I can’t remember their names I avoid them so they think I’m rude. Somebody once told me a trick to help remember names which has you reply very firmly “nice to meet you Ken”, so that it locks the name in your head.  It never works with me, I just ended up sounding like a car salesman.

I’m chaotic and frustrating to be about because I forget to do things people ask me.

On more than one occasion I have lost my car.  Once in Colchester where I had to enlist a taxi driver to drive me round until I saw it.

But there are also some advantages of having a terrible memory:

I can watch a film 6 month after watching it for the first time and be completely gripped by it, unable to recall the ending.

I can read a favourite book many times over safe in the knowledge that most of the facts are buried somewhere in the back of my head in a little unreachable corner.  My favourite for this is Storm from the East which is all about the rise to power of Genghia Khan.  In my opinion it’s one of the best business books you can read.

And finally, i can read my own book and feel like its been written by someone else.  A peculiar feeling.

I do remember that I had set my self a pretty tight schedule to finish the book and the last quarter could have been slightly punchier.  Or it could be that now 5 years older my style has matured a little.  Whatever the excuse I’m continuing to give the book a polish before I upload it.