Sep
19
2009
Monday Joke
funny
My favourite sexual position is the JFK. I
splatter all over her while she screams and
tries to get out of the car.
http://www.sickipedia.org/
Sep
15
2009
THE BLOKE follows the Murdochs and *charges* for content.
Now we’ve been looking at this internet malarkey for a couple of years and we have to agree with Rupert Murdoch that we can’t be giving all this brilliant content away for free. I mean something has to give. You know, there needs to be a quid pro quo here. I’m spending all this time giving you my opinion on stuff and you’re just taking it all. Not giving anything back. There’s no ‘quo’ bit to our relationship here.
Like Rupert I have a few kids and a pretty wife who likes shoes and holidays and we need to find a way to pay for all this stuff. All those other gutless media corporations out there have remained largely silent on the matter but The Bloke Corp has made the bold decision to step up to the plate and stand shoulder to shoulder with The Murdochs. Although we won’t quite go as far as condeming the BBC because they do great stuff like The Wire and Radio 4 (apart from The Archers, Sunday Worship and that really smug woman on Saturday morning who is far too pleased with herself. Oh, and Sandy Toksvig who is also far too pleased with herself) and their kids TV output which isn’t packed with adverts for plastic shit that will be in the charity shop by February.
Sorry, wondered off there on one a little bit. But back to business - we’re together with James and his Dad. From 1st October The Bloke is going to charge for content. It’s an honesty based system that I’m hoping is going to work well for all of us. Everytime you visit the site all you need to do is simply log a reply with your email address and I’ll send you a bill at the end of every month for how many times you’ve visited (based on about 25p a visit*). *subject to change without notice.
I’m hoping that this ‘payment gateway’ will enable me to continue to provide you with unrivalled up to the minute engaging content whilst helping me and my family get lots of nice things and hopefully an unhealthy share of global media ownership.
Aug
18
2009
on The Plinth
So I went on the plinth in Trafalgar square (one and other) on Thursday last week. A very strange experience.
Bloke sits on a plinth not doing anything
I took a laptop up there thinking that I could use the opportunity to write something interesting for one of the many books that are in the pipeline but on getting up there I realised that the glare meant i couldn’t actually see the screen. I persevered for 15 mins but then gave up and put it away opting instead to read a book about whales (Leviathan is utterly brilliant by the way). But once I started looking around and overcame the sheer alien awkwardness of sitting on a 20 foot high stone in the middle of a city being watched by 500 people I became gripped by what lay below. Not only were my wife & kids there along with a sprinkling of friends who came to say hi during their lunch hour but the whole square was riveting This was people watching on an epic scale. That’s what I didn’t expect. The tourists and Londoners all meandering and mixing below, some looking at me, others sunbathing or waiting for friends. Open top buses would glide past packed with people photographing me not sure what this was all about (why would they?). I imagined what they would say when they got home thousands of miles away and weeks later when they developed them and showed them to family ‘yes, and there was this mad bloke sitting on a chair in the middle of the square!’
The strangest part of if was the peacefulness. It wasn’t quiet exactly but the noise seemed to become one sort of background hum punctuated by the odd van driver shouting ‘wanker!’ or ‘do something!’ The first 20 minutes crept by and the remaining 40 whistled past. It was strangely tranquil. The size of the city and the square seemed to make me insignificant yet before going up I was worried about everyone looking at me.
You can watch the whole hour here (i haven’t had the courage to look yet). This whole collection will be housed at Kew for generations to see a slice of British life in 2009.
Blokes eye view from up on the Plinth