Jan 30 2009

Jamie Oliver (no, really)

Love Pigs

Loveths Pigths

Jamie Oliver. We’re surprising ourselves a little bit with this week’s choice. The ‘fat tongued mockney cunt’ has been getting right up our noses for years now and his pseudo cheery lad next door schtick has actually been responsible for Mrs Bloke boycotting Sainburys. But what we’re starting to approve of is his obvious passion for ruffling feathers of the powers that be. We live in a world where so many people talk so much bullshit and so few people actually get anything done. People have ideas but not many have the stamina to change anything in the face of apathy and bureaucracy and when someone does we should applaud them.

Channel 4 have been running a food series with a numer of top chefs talking about food related stuff.  Hugh Fernly Whittingperson has been publicly encouraging Tesco to stop selling birds that have spent their whole wretched lives in a shoebox where their primary source of amusement is to eat their own feet and at the end of it all they get their heads torn off and then find their water and phosphate injected carcasses part of a 2 for £5 offer in Tesco. Not nice.

Jamie was last night supporting UK pig farmers . In 2002 UK farmers stopped the cruel practice of enclosed tethered pig pens (a bit like the chickens shoe boxes above but pig sized) but in Denmark (a big exporter of pork) 20% of their pork is reared in this very cruel fashion. It is also widespread throughout the rest of Europe. And guess what, we import a shed load of pork from these places.

When it comes to Pork the message is very simple: Buy British. Now that we’re part of Europe we are not supposed to say things like this because it’s protectionist but the simple truth is that you will getter better meat that is more humanely reared here in the UK. And if you’re not into all this animal kindness malarkey how about the argument that buying British keeps British farmers in business!  Now nobody get argue with that: get off moi laaand.

If you didn’t see it watch it here : Channel 4


Jan 20 2009

The Stig Revealed as,er, Ben Collins (who???)

The Stig

The Stig

There has been much speculation about who actually is the Stig on Top Gear.  For some time rumours have circulated that Damon Hill was the man behind the helmet and some even suggested that when younger Lewis Hamilton was the driver (although seeing as he’s only 14 now we don’t really see how that was possible).  There was also a leak recently that it was James Hunt until it transpired he was dead.  Anyway, the cats is out of the bag - full story in The Times…

To the viewers of Top Gear, he is part man, part machine, with veins that course with petrol. But the true substance of “the Stig”, the BBC programme’s so-called tame racing driver, was revealed yesterday to be somewhat more prosaic.
The identity of the character, who test-drives cars around the Top Gear track, was divulged at the weekend as Ben Collins, a Bristol-based former American speedway driver and stuntman who doubled for Daniel Craig in the latest James Bond film.
The name of the white-suited Stig, beloved of the show’s hosts Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May, has been an open secret within the motoring world for some years, but the media have refrained from publishing his name to uphold the spirit of the programme.
On Sunday, however, a newspaper outed Collins, 33, after following up a story in a Bristol newspaper about a man commissioning a photographic studio in the city to produce limited edition prints of the character.


Jan 13 2009

Top Bloke - for those of you who run your own business

This was sent in this morning by a bloke who picked it up from stumbleupon - Although written by an American in relation to his local situation a lot of what he says it true..

Real Letter From
CEO To His Employees
This is a legitimate letter — the company actually exists.
1-7-9

To All My Valued Employees,

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn’t pose a threat to your job.

What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country. Of course, as your employer, I am forbidden to tell you whom to vote for — it is against the law to discriminate based on political affiliation, Race, creed, religion, etc.

Please vote who you think will serve your Interests the best. However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interest. First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story.

This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You’ve seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I’m sure all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life. However, what you don’t see is the back story.

I started this company 12 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living space was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn’t have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business — hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom’s for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the Goodwill store extracting any clothing item that didn’t look like it was birthed in the 70’s.

My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don’t. There is no “off” button For me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, ****, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to me like a 1 day old baby.

You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden — the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations… You never realize the back story and the sacrifices I’ve made. Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn’t.

The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for. Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I’ve paid is steep and not without wounds. Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don’t pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my “stimulus” check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check?

Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country. The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you’d quit and you wouldn’t work here. I mean, why should you? That’s nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy. Here is what many of you don’t understand; to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn’t need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don’t defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the mud of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine.

Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep. So where am I going with all this? It’s quite simple. If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child’s future. Frankly, it isn’t my problem any more. Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire.

You see, I’m done. I’m done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

While tax cuts to 95% of America sounds great on paper, don’t forget the backstory: If there is no job, there is no income to tax. A tax cut on zero dollars is zero. So, when you make decision to vote, ask yourself, who understands the economics of business ownership and who doesn’t? Whose policies will endanger your job? Answer those questions and you should know who might be the one capable of saving your job. While the media wants to tell you “It’s the economy Stupid” I’m telling you it isn’t.

If you lose your job, it won’t be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the Constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me in South Caribbean sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about.

Signed, Your boss,

Michael A. Crowley,
PE Crowley, Crisp & Associates, Inc.
Professional Engineers 1
906 South Main Street, Suite 122
Wake Forest, NC 27587

919.562.8860 x22
919.562.8872 Fax


Nov 14 2008

To 60th Birthday Bloke

I’m not entirely comfortable with the whole notion of royalty.  The dismissive way they speak, the conviction that they and their hangers on are better than everyone else purely on the strength that their forebears were a load of ruthless gangsters who murdered their way into power.  The only difference is that our distant relatives were too busy farming turnips and being held in check by fundamentalist Christians which means today we don’t own vast swathes of land.  And Wales.

So really I feel Charles & Camilla should probably be first against the well come the revolution…. but…. and here’s the but,  I think I have to reluctantly say Happy Birthday to the Prince of Wales.  I mean who would want this job?  Who would want to spend their days opening dreary factories in Wales or visiting some new science block.  Or going to the opera and having to pretend to be interested.  And then not actually having a proper job.  Still 60 and not king and your mother showing every sign of following in her mothers footsteps.

It is the worst possible job ever.  So happy birthday your Highness.

And lest we forget, click here, for the Squidgygate transcript just because it must be *so* embarrassing.


Nov 7 2008

Top Bloke - John Boileau

John has a website called beforethirty.co.uk which is dedicated to doing 77 things before he hits thirty.  Unlike many of these pretentious lists that circulate from time to time that insist its vital you smoke a pipe with the last remaining Arapaho Indian before you die most on the list are quite prosaic and achievable such as eating a Fillet of Fish (nor have I) or reading the Booker winners (i tried that too). It’s more a list of things you should get round to doing but can’t be bothered to.  A nod in the direction of the simple joys and a self deprecating tone makes this a wonderful endeavour and an example of how a website can be set up just to amuse yourself and those around you rather than trying to flog it to venture capitalists.  We hope this becomes a hit because it deserves it.  Top Bloke!

John undertaking one of his 77 tasks

John undertaking one of his 77 tasks